"The glory of God is mankind. After I raped and killed my only love by shoving a champagne bottle completely inside her uterus and destroying her pink-faced angelic grace. I sat down on the floor of the hotel and wept because all I ever wanted to do was give the world a little joy. make them giggle. But somehow God allowed the champagne to take control of me. I am fat. I’ll die soon. as a boy my mother would give me sugar bread after every time I rubbed her brittle feet after work. I massaged her so well that the sugar bread made me who I am today. I just wanted to make the public love me. but eventually I was alone with my murdering bottle. I will be gone soon. so tell a joke and dedicate it to fatty The sugar-bread showman. And when I leave this place I will sing an opera with Valentino that will bring the heavens to tears. and you will all be soaked in Fatty’s redemption. I wanted to be an aristocrat. I just wanted to make the people love me. I love them. I’d love a bottle of wine just now."

— Fatty Arbuckle’s note, left on this broken antique armoire. 

5:52 am  •  26 October 2012